


I'm Not Half As Bad As What You've Been Told

by Johyy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Living Together, M/M, One Shot, Relationship(s), mention of the other boys like once, not that it was very angst-y, previous eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johyy/pseuds/Johyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry doesn't want to go back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Half As Bad As What You've Been Told

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Through The Dark (and some of The 1975's depressing stuff) and this sort of appeared magically on my computer screen, so yeah.  
> The title is from a song called 102 and idk if it's actually by The 1975 or just Matt Healy because there's only one video of him singing it alone. Correct me if I'm wrong!

 

This still happens sometimes.

 

You see, Harry can't quite help himself on days when he spends the majority of the time alone. And he knows that Louis knows, but it's not like Louis can cancel everything that goes on in his own life, just to make sure Harry does as he should. Or doesn't do what he shouldn't do.

 

And today, Louis' been gone, had to get up early in the morning, kissing Harry on the cheek while he was still in bed, and slipping quietly out of their room. Harry knows it's something work related, maybe he even saw one of the other boys, Harry's not sure about that. He should probably have gone out and done something too, but today was a bad day. He had felt it right after the door closed behind Louis and the flat had fallen silent in a way that Harry despised.

 

So, Harry's now sitting on the floor, his back against his and Louis' bed, facing the window to look out at the busy streets of London. He always ends up there on days like these. Watching other people, people who seem to have their lives together, busy people. It makes him feel like maybe tomorrow is a good day and he can also be outside with all of them. Maybe he'll go grocery shopping just to buy another bunch of bananas.

 

But tomorrow is not today.

 

"Harry, babe? You home?" He hears Louis drop his keys into the bowl by the door.

 

Harry does nothing, just sits there quietly. Louis will know, and Louis will find him. He always does.

 

Normally, they have lots of things to do, things to distract Harry from even thinking about it. It's easier to ignore it when they're working - more people around watching them and taking care of everything they need - but when they get time off, it's so simple to just fall back into an old pattern. A pattern that Harry doesn't really want to be in anymore, but it still happens and _Louis knows_.

 

"Harry?" He listens to the sound of Louis' light footsteps that stop outside the bedroom door, but as it creaks open, all sounds are drowned out by the sound of his own heart beating in his ears.

 

There's less people out now. It's also on the verge of getting dark, which _huh,_ did the time really go that fast?

 

"Harry." He hears and he knows Louis' found him. He knows from the way Louis speaks, his tone gone all soft and caring and _concerned._ Harry hates the fact that hearing that voice makes him feel good. It's so selfish, but Louis cares.

 

He sits still as Louis sits down next to him, so close they're touching from shoulder to ankle. Louis' having none of that, obviously, because he pulls Harry close immediately and what else can Harry do than to curl up against him, really.

 

Harry breathes in the scent in the crook of Louis' neck. It's familiar, comforting and he feels calmer already (not that his break-downs are particularly loud).

 

"Did you eat today, love?" Louis' breath stirs his hair a bit, a shiver running through him, so he curls closer to Louis, almost climbing into his lap.

 

"Didn't wanna eat." Harry mumbles, words colliding with Louis' skin and hitting back against him, harsh.

 

He feels Louis sigh and then Louis shifts a bit and there's a hand combing through his greasy hair. "I know, baby. I know." Harry hears the voice in his head continue before Louis does. "But you need to eat. You don't wanna go through all of that again, do you?"

 

It's a conversation they've had several times, but Louis' ability to not sound judging while asking difficult questions still amazes Harry. He wishes he would've had Louis like this when it had all started. When little Harry looked himself in the mirror all those years back. What if Louis had been standing behind him, chin tucked over Harry's shoulder, whispering how beautiful he looked, words muffled against Harry's neck.

 

A lot of the time Harry spent feeling broken, empty,  it would've been different.

 

"No." Harry shakes his head against Louis' shoulder. "Couldn't help it." And he doesn't say that Louis wasn't here, because it's not Louis' fault. If it wasn't for _Louis_ , there wouldn't be a _Harry_. It's _LouisandHarry_ now. Neither exists without the other.

 

"C'mon, love. I'll make you something light." Louis says quietly, but he doesn't move. He never moves until Harry does, not on days like today.

 

Harry slips one of his legs over Louis'. "Wanna sit with you for a little while longer. Please."

 

And Louis melts against him. He knows not to force Harry, not when it comes to eating. Harry remembers one time, a few days after Louis figured out, when Louis tried to force feed him Chinese because Harry wouldn't eat it himself. There had been screaming from Louis' part and mostly crying from Harry's. Louis had come crawling into bed that night with whispered apologies and ' _never again_ 's and _'I love you, Harry_ 's.

 

A smile unfolds on Harry's face at the memory, and he tilts his head back to look up at Louis. There's a stubble under his chin, Louis probably didn't bother with it this morning before he left, hasn't lately. Harry gets the urge to rub his cheek against it to feel the burn. He doesn't, though. Not yet, at least.

 

"What're you smiling at?" Louis asks, finally looking down to meet Harry's lingering stare.

 

Harry almost giggles and it's amazing, really, what this boy does to him. "Nothing. 'S just." He tucks his face into Louis' neck for a second, and then he opens one eye to look up at Louis again. "You look really pretty from down 'ere."

 

Louis snorts at that and his smile is pretty from down here too, Harry thinks.

 

"You're not high, are you?" Louis asks, but he looks amused and fond and Harry imagines he looks about the same.

 

"No, don't smoke."

 

"Ah, that's right. I forgot about your asthma for a second there." Louis grins wide and his eyes crinkle at the corners. Harry wonders briefly what he did to deserve someone so beautiful and lovely like Louis, but then he remembers Louis telling him the same about him and that Harry should never question Louis' reasons for loving him, so he shakes the thoughts from his head.

 

"You're making fun of me." Harry whines, showing at Louis shoulder, but never hard enough to actually remove himself or Louis.

 

"Oh, Princess Harry." Louis coos. "Did I insult you?"

 

When Harry nods and buries his face back in his neck, Louis laughs softly and pushes a hand into Harry's hair, which is really rather disgusting and in desperate need of a wash. _It's bad._ But Louis doesn't really mind - not _right_ _now_ \- and combs his fingers slowly through the greasy curls.

 

They sit there in silence for a while. Probably longer than what's good for Louis' back. He can feel it starting to ache already from where he leans back against the hard, wooden edge of the bed. But Louis knows not to push it. He knows Harry will eat soon if he just holds him for a little while. Or if they talk about something completely different.

 

Once Louis read the story Harry's mum used to read to Harry before he went to sleep, and when he looked up at the end, his boy was curled up over the duvet, fast asleep. Louis had just crawled into the bed and pulled the duvet over the both of them and gathered Harry up in his arms. They woke in the middle of the night to the sound of Harry's stomach growling.

 

So when Harry finally makes a move to untangle himself from Louis, Louis lets him go willingly.

 

"What'd'you want?" Ha asks and his voice is the voice he only uses when he and Harry are alone, like when they're too comfortable to move from the couch late at night, or in the few early mornings when he wakes up and feels lonely, so he wakes Harry too and they make tea and stay in bed for hours. "Just a sandwich? Or I could call for take-away?"

 

"Take-away sounds good." Harry smiles up at him. Really, it's more like a tilt of one side of his mouth, but Louis will take it. Will take anything he can get from his boy.

 

"Chinese or Thai?" Louis ask then, and he feels his own lips twitch at the corners and he's smiling, even though his back is hurting and Harry's eyes are slightly damp.

 

"Chinese. Do you really have to ask?" Harry rolls his eyes and almost falls over and into the window when he stands to his feet. Louis steadies him by grabbing onto his hand and then uses it to help pull himself up. "Might have a banana first, though."

 

"Of course you will."

 

Harry just smiles at him. It's bigger now, more teeth show and his right dimple poke through his cheek.

 

Louis gets the overwhelming urge to kiss him - he does that sometimes - and it's as if Harry's thinking the exact same thing, because when Louis stands on his tiptoes, Harry's already there and their mouths collide so hard, Louis falls back onto his heels.

 

They end up laughing into each other's mouths, but Harry doesn't pull away. Neither does Louis.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about the fact that I changed from Harry's thoughts to Louis' in the middle there, but shit happens. 
> 
> This is my first time posting and I'm kind of nervous. So please leave comments!


End file.
